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I don't know what to do anymore... Sometimes I am afraid to speak...
Just so you all know, my journal is  now going to be friends only! Comment if you want to be added! (:
Katie is leaving tomorrow. That makes me so sad. I don't know if it will really sink in until next fall. I still have work and all of my amazing from there... but Katie is my best friend. We have lived together for 3 years! It is going to be so weird. It is weird to be in my apartment right now anyways... everything is gone. Well everything of hers is gone. The tv, end tables, all of her bedroom stuff. Bah. Enough sadness.

The Red Wings round 2 starts tomorrow. It is against the avs. It is going to be an interesting round. I am really looking forward to it.

I am going to Holland tomorrow to see Jessica. Should be fun.
Why do I sometimes forget how blessed I really am? I mean, I am truly blessed. I have amazing friends. I need to stop saying how "alone" I am, or how sad I am, because really, I have it so much better than a lot of people. I have a roof over my head, I have parents who love me, I have a job, I can afford to pay my bills, I have people around me who love me and want to be around me! :)

No more of this self pity. No more of me saying that I don't like who I am or the way things are. If I don't like something, I am going to change it. I am not going to whine about it or dwell on it. I am going to do something to actively change it. My outlook is going to change. I am going to be a happier person. No one likes grumpy people! ;)

I am going to love life. I am going to do everything I can to be the best me. I am going to be more active and healthy, to feel good about myself. Not because I think I am fat. I am going to stop saying that. I am going to think highly of myself. I need to improve my self esteem. My friends love me for me. I am just going to do things to be healthier.
 
I am also going to stop dwelling on the fact that I am single still. There is probably a reason for that. I will find someone when the time is right. Who knows, maybe I have already met him and we are perfecting our friendship before we start a relationship. Or maybe I will meet him tomorrow. Or next week. Or next month. Or next year. Who know. All I know is that I am going to keep being the best me and when the times comes, the time comes. :)

I am excited for this new aspect on life. I think it is going to be an amazing change and will only bring out positive things! :)

I have been having some really weird and vivid dreams. Sometimes they are really awkward, but it is so interesting to read my book and to find out what they supposedly mean. I don't know if necessarily believe all of what the book says, but who cares. It is all interesting. Like kissing someone you know in your dream means that your relationship with them will get even better. I love dreams. I am so lucky that I am able to remember most of them. I love waking up and feeling so good because of a dream. :)
Wednesday of this week,

At two minutes and three seconds after 1:00
In the morning,
The time and date will be
01:02:03 04/05/06.
That won't ever happen again!

Just thought it was cool...
I would agree. Mine is physical touch. Anyone who knows me knows that this is true!




The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch: 12
Quality Time: 9
Receiving Gifts: 5
Acts of Service: 2
Words of Affirmation: 2


Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz
Katie, J, and I went to Grand Valley's swim meet today. Mostly to see Anna swim. But when I was there I really missed swimming. I wish I could have been good enough to swim in college. I really miss it. Ahh well.. I can get into the pool soon.

Anyways, tonight should be fun. Thats all for now... Oh, and my Wings lost in a shoot out. Lame...

Oh man, what is my problem? I hate the way I am feeling! I hate the stupid, pathetic thoughts that come into my head. They are not from God. They are from the Devil and I will not let them consume me! Jesus, I want only thoughts of You in me. I want to rest in You and be covered in Your peace.

I hate feeling like I am not love/missed back home. I don't know why I feel like this because I know it isn't true... I don't know why I think like that! I hate feeling sorry for myself and certainly don't want anyone else to feel sorry for me. I know that I am loved. If God, who is the Almighty, Perfect One, can love me, then I am all set. Lord just give me Your peace!

To all of my friends... I love and miss you dearly. I am not going to stop saying that. I love you, I love you, I love you! I want you all to know that. You are all so special to me. I keep thinking about how blessed I am to call each of you my friends! God is so great!

Jessica: We have been through a lot in our long friendship. We have grown together in a way that can not be broken. I love you with all of my heart. You are an awesome woman of God and I love just being with you. I love just sitting in your room, talking, or watching movies. I love cuddling with you! You are awesome and I love you so much!

Melissa: I love you! I don't really remember when we became so close, but that does not matter at all. What matters is that we ARE friends. We have shared a lot. A lot of good memories over chai. We share a love of Chai, Red Wings, and most of all God. He is with us and you will be my friend forever. I love you!

Stephanie: You are my twin! I have known you forever and we have so much in common! We have the same name, same birthday, so  on and so on, and now we both work at a pizza place! The most important thing we have in common, however, is our love for the Lord! How great is that? I love being with you have having awesome talks. I know that we will have a long standing friendship. You are great! I love you!

Cassandra: Our friendship was also somewhat rocky, but God knew that we needed to be friends. You have been such an encouragement to me. I love our times together, just talking, hanging out, and peppermint tea at Pastor Tim's. I love you and wish you the best with your marriage to Billy. I know it will be great because both of you share a love of the Lord, which is the most important thing. I love you!

Erin: I don't know what I would do without you! I would still be friendless in a new city! Thank you so much for reaching out to me and being my friend. You are awesome. I love working with you and just hanging out with you. I love you!

Margie: I am glad we work together. We are swimmers and sisters in Christ! Thank you so much for reaching out to me and just loving me! I am glad we got to go to church together and I am excited to go back! I know we will have some sweet times together! I love you!

Molly: I know we pretty much just met, but I am loving you! I am excited for the times we have together. We will have fun! I know it! I love you!

If I forgot someone, I am sorry. I love you all. Everyone of you has influenced my life, and "I know that I have been changed for good," because of all of you!

Here is going to be a "not short" update for Jessica. I supposed I have stuff I can update on! Here you go my dear!! I love you!

Classes started on Monday. I am so excted about them! First off I have History 376, which is the history of witches and witch hunting. It is very interesting so far. My teacher has an Australian accent and it makes it semi hard to understand but she seems cool, so I am excited. My next class is Geography of United States and Canada. My teacher is so sweet. She is so fun and exciting. It makes the class so much more fun! Next is Statistics. Ugh. That is all I have to say about that. Ok, I don't know how it is going to be... My prof is very funny. He is from Taiwan so it is hard to understand him usually, but if I pay close enough attention to him he is soooo funny. Then I have Physical Geography. My teacher is very... reserved. But I have heard that he is very approchable. So that is good. That should be my easier class. I love social studies so that is what almost all of my classes are, so that is exciting! Then on Wednesday nights I have Statigies for Social Studies Teachers. My prof in that class is a lot of fun as well!

But do I really want to be a teacher? I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I may not want to become a teacher. I really could see myself being a massage therapist... Ugh.. I just don't know! I am certainly praying about it and would appreciate the prayers of my friends! Thanks guys! I will have a lot of thinking/praying time tomorrow on my drive..

Speaking of driving tomorrow... RED WINGS GAME!!!!!!!!!!! I am so looking forward to it! I just don't want to drive tomorrow, but it will be worth it to see my Red Wings, my parents, and my uncle Pat! How fun! Oh man how I love hockey! They won on Thursday, so I am hoping that they win tomorrow!

I love worship music. Erin and I drove to Meijers yesterday and had worship music playing really loud! I LOVE JESUS! And I really love my friends. Where would I be without them?? Lost thats what! Erin is coming over soon, possibly with Molly, and Erin and I are going to dye our hair. Yay! Go black for me!! Should be interesting...

Well, I am running out of things to say. I hope this update was long enough for you my dear! I love and miss you so much. I can't wait to see you. I hope things are going well for you and semi less stressful!

Jan. 10th, 2006

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason

Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you
:

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good


It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you:


Because I knew you:

I have been changed for good


And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for


But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share


And none of it seems to matter anymore


Like a comet pulled Like a ship blown
From orbit as it Off it's mooring
Passes a sun, like By a wind off the
A stream that meets Sea, like a seed
A boulder, half-way Dropped by a
Through the wood Bird in the wood


Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better.


And because I knew you:

Because I knew you:


Because I knew you:
I have been changed for good.

This is the song that Jessica and Jenn sang at Cassandra's shower, which made me and many others cry. What an amazing song with powerful lyrics. It makes you think... We are not the same because of the people that have come into our lives. I just want to say that all of you are so important to me. I love you all.

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